I’m hopelessly optimistic. There can be a hole in the bottom and the water has drained out all over the table, 
and I’m usually still pretty sure the glass is half full. That’s a good thing, too, because you’ve probably noticed our country is a disaster, and it would be unpleasant to be a pessimist under these circumstances.
I cheerfully start awful or impossible tasks without the foggiest clue of how far up Shit Creek I’m going to get myself before I drop the paddle and flip the canoe. I always face these tasks head-on. That’s why I often fail where others succeed.
In this way, I set about picking my top five songs of all time. It was quite a chore to work this list out, and to keep it to five songs. Obviously, this would require assembling a focus group, but I’m too lazy to organize something like that. I turned to the DutchMonkey Steering Committee.
The committee set the following selection criteria.
The songs had to be:
- Relatively modern (if we had included classical music and operas, we’d be totally hosed.)
- Vocal music
- Mood-immune: you always feel like listening to it when it comes on, regardless of your mood
- Skip-immune: you never skip over this song when it comes on
The committee met over a pint of Guinness at Molly Maguires in Ballard to discuss candidates and came up with about 25 songs. I was left with the responsibility to narrow it down to five. Which I started cheerfully. So, without further ado, here we go.
Number Five:
Song: Please Don’t Tell Her
Artist: Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Album: Beautiful World
Buy on iTunes
Todd Park Mohr is one of the most under-rated living guitar players. This particular song features one of the best guitar solos ever played. Pay attention to how the guitar tone goes perfectly with the delicate and clean phrases of the solo and how well it fits into the song. In concert, Todd has until recently always skipped this solo, choosing instead to play the climbing chord progression played in the background. My theory is that he played that solo in the studio as a one-off and has been afraid to touch it live, knowing he couldn’t match it.
Number Four:
Song: Folsom Prison Blues
Artist: Johnny Cash
Album: 16 Biggest Hits (and various others)
Buy on iTunes
Johnny Cash has always been one of my favorites, and there is something very raw and natural about this particular song. I remember the first time I heard it, sandwiched between my brother and sister in the back of our Jeep on the way to Colorado. In particular the phrase “I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die, when I hear that whistle blowin’, I hang my head and cry” stuck with me. It turns out I’m not the only one who felt drawn to that line - and with good reason. It makes you reflect on what a waste of two lives that is, both the man who was shot and the man who is spending his life in prison for killing a man for no good reason. Cash mentioned in an interview how he came up with that line: “I sat with my pen in my hand, trying to think up the worst reason a person could have for killing another person, and that’s what came to mind.”
Number Three:
Song: Synthesizer
Artist: Electric Six
Album: Fire
Buy on iTunes
There’s not much I can say about Electric Six. I’m really not sure why I like these guys so much, but they are awesome. Their music is a great blend of hard rock and 80’s dance music. We saw these guys play at the Cats Cradle with about two dozen people in the joint. They put on a show like they were playing the Taj Mahal. The song Synthesizer is awesome in a really intangible way. Here’s a sampling of the lyrics:
You can go west or east
Confess your sins to a priest
You can slay the wicked beast
But you can’t ignore my techno
I like a sensible lyric; so many songs are filled with lies. This one isn’t because you can’t ignore my techno.
Number Two:
Song: You’re Crazy (explicit)
Artist: Guns n’ Roses
Album: Lies
Buy on iTunes
If it wasn’t for song number one, this would be the best song ever. I know that’s always the case, but it sounds convincing and that means it makes sense. Apparently, these guys were so busy celebrating the success of Appetite for Destruction that they completely forgot they were contractually obligated to release a second album. They grabbed some acoustic guitars and put together four tracks in a matter of hours. All four of the tracks are excellent, but this version of “You’re Crazy” has a groove like no other hard rock song. Everything is perfect: Izzy’s acoustic rhythm guitar with Slash’s hollow body electric leads & solo, and Axl’s swinging vocals scorching over the top.
Number One:
Song: Traveling Riverside Blues
Artist: Led Zeppelin
Album: BBC Sessions
Buy on Amazon.com
I went through my Led Zeppelin phase in high school like everyone else, but these guys are still one of my favorite bands, although I feel most of the members are overrated. Jimmy Page was a great guitar player, but by no means one of the best ever. Robert Plant was an awesome singer song writer, but there are plenty who were or are better. Same goes for John Paul Jones. Innovation counts for something, and they all had that in spades, but John “Bonzo” Bonham was the best drummer ever. It’s his playing that gave Zep their special edge; his sharp-but-not-too-perfect sense of rhythm gives a swing to the songs that other hard rock bands totally miss. And, most impressively, he can get ahead or behind the beat in a song to pull you in or drag you out.
Traveling Riverside Blues was recorded live for the BBC and perfectly demonstrates Bonzo’s playing. It goes perfectly with Page’s slide guitar rhythm playing, and Plant swings between his best raspy falsettos and Elvis impressions.
