It turns out the Dinosaurs were killed by Terrorist Asteroids. I haven’t assimilated all the information yet, but it appears the Asteroids were Militant Anti-Dinos who originated from the area between Mars and Jupiter known as “Space.” Much like modern strikes, it was a violent suicide attack:

An ancient collision between two mega-asteroids spawned the killer space rock that slammed into Earth and marked the beginning of the end for the dinosaurs, a new study claims.

Scientists think the celestial smash-up took place some 160 million years ago in the asteroid belt located between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter.

Despite various internal memos warning them of the impending danger, the Dinosaurs never saw it coming since they were too busy spreading their policies across the globe and were convinced no Militant Asteroids would dare make such an audacious attack.

Scientists have been piecing the evidence together on this 160 million year old case using a process called “Advanced Science”. If this is anything like the approach the US Government took in the aftermath of the 911 attacks, it could be a while before Asteroidia is turned into a Democracy.

There are an awful lot of models that are required in order to come to the conclusion,” said Jay Melosh of the Lunar and Planetary Laboratory at the University of Arizona in Tucson, who was not involved in the current study.

And, quite frankly, it sounds like a lot of work to go through all that. I’m guessing only about 10% of people would understand the models, so I recommend they make up models that sound convincing but are too complicated to understand. Then 90% of people will believe them and that’s a lot better than real science can do.

Mr. Melosh seems to be taking my advice. Check out his closing comment:

“I don’t find any of them implausible and the conclusion seems to be plausible.” He added, “I don’t have any problems with the models, but they are models.

Yup. Jay has it all worked out. My work is done here.

Read: Killer Asteroid