As Michelle and I were hanging out having a nice bottle of wine and reading some magazines, Michelle decided it would be cool to have pillows on each chair in the house which indicated whose seat it was. For example, I would have a pillow labeled “Frank” on my favorite chair.
This would be significantly cooler, apparently, if there was someone in the family named “Fred”. “Who could we have who would be named ‘Fred’?”, asked Michelle. I assumed the domain of items this included was not restricted to people, but could be anything ranging from wildlife to pets to inanimate objects, so long as a name could be assigned to it. (Michelle has a habit of naming almost anything.)
Suddenly, my memory jumped back to my older brother and his first goldfish named Fred. Shockingly, Fred died. When he did, Erik placed his corpse in a tin Sucrets box, wrapped the box entirely in masking tape and carefully labeled it, “Fred”.
“We kept that box for years. I remember it very well”, I told Michelle, who immediately winced. I continued, “I remember we used to shake the box. The bones rattled.”
And then came the reply, “There’s a dignified death. Becoming a tambourine for a bunch of Dutch kids. Nice.”
What a shocking week in cycling. About a half dozen riders and two team doctors have admitted to doping at Team Telekom (which later became T-Mobile) during the 90’s. Among the riders who have admitted using drugs are cycling icons Erik Zabel and Bjarne Riis.
So far, the admissions have culminated with Riis admitting that he used EPO during the 1996 Tour de France - which he won. (Riis was rumored to be nicknamed “Mr. Sixty” due to his high hematocrit count, which becomes dangerous when above 50.) We will have to wait and see if this ends up with anyone losing their titles: Riis could lose his yellow jersey (overall winner), and Zabel his green jersey (points winner).
Interestingly, if you look at the results of the ‘96 Tour, more than half the riders in the top 10 have admitted to drug use or have been very closely tied to it:
Bjarne Riis - admitted drug usage during the ‘96 Tour
Jan Ullrich - no admitted drug use, but his DNA matched blood found in Operation Puerto
Richard Virenque - admitted drug use after the ‘98 Festina Affair
Laurent Dufaux - admitted drug use after the ‘98 Festina Affair
Luc Leblanc - admitted drug use after the ‘98 Festina Affair
Fernando Escartin - admitted drug use
Perhaps most surprising about the admissions is that many of the riders were not star riders looking for the extra edge to win; they were riders of the domestique category: a caliber of riders who’s role it is not to win races, but to serve the team in other ways, such as setting tempo at the front of the peleton, chasing down breakaways, or to protect their team leader during a race. Rolf Aldag, who was an excellent domestique, said that during the ‘95 season, was was in awe as he would routinely get dropped by the peleton during races. He simply couldn’t keep up with the pace - let alone serve his duty as domestique. He turned to drug use in order to be able to continue in his profession. It seems the speed of the races increased so dramatically during the 90’s that just to keep up, riders had to dope. Drug use was wide-spread and riders were not simply doping to win, but to handle the speeds.
Michelle totally has the hots for Daniel Craig. Seriously, she’s got a major thing for him, which is surprising because she really doesn’t go for people in the movies. I’ve been pretty amused by it mostly because I don’t find him very threatening. I mean, it’s not like he’s Dutch or anything.
So, anyway, I thought up this joke about her crush and why I’ve started wearing my hair really short.
Michelle has got a massive crush on Daniel Craig. If he showed up at our front door, she’d totally throw me out by my hair. That’s why I shaved my head. That’s what you call “planning ahead.”
When I told this little gem to Michelle, her eyes glazed over and she just stared off into space.
With my pride deeply bruised, I said, “Don’t you think that’s funny?”
“…Oh, sorry…I started thinking about what it would be like to have him show up at the front door. That would be totally cool. Maybe he would come in for a beer or something. We need to make sure we always have beer.”
Not one week has passed without some high-profile celebrity disparaging the Dutch. Last week, it was Rainn Wilson. This week, it turns out that Steven Colbert is also guilty of Anti-Dutchism. (Ok, maybe neither of those are really high profile but it’s still bad.)
In the shocking video below, Steven Colbert lashes out at the Dutch - drawing bold, unfounded conclusions that the Dutch are somehow all doped-up “bong troopers.”
Warning: this video contains disparaging remarks about the Dutch and may not be suitable for all audiences, especially those who don’t like fluorescent light or the Irish.
The entire transcript can be found after the jump. Well, maybe not the entire transcript. I’m a little too lazy and don’t care enough to do the entire transcript. But most of the good parts can be found after the jump. And they may not be transcribed exactly, either, but they’re probably pretty close.
As you probably know, we have two dogs. Mack is a little 60 pound mutt. He rocks completely. His Roman name is Smackimus Desmus Meridius. He is, without a doubt, the coolest dog that has ever lived. Everyone who has spent any time with him feels this way. He is exactly what happens when evolution is allowed to run its course: he’s smallish, strong, fast, smart, sturdy, and farts. He is so engaged it’s just a blast to be around him. He’s always 100% certain that he can contribute to every activity and do something to make the current situation cooler.
The other dog is Kirki (who we call Beene) and leaves you with exactly the opposite impression: she is big, frail, lazy, disengaged, and slow. But man, she can make me laugh like nothing else. Just seeing her run up a flight of stairs is amusing - complete with the look of accomplishment that she has in her eyes when she reaches the top. (It has to be a short flight of stairs, though, or she’ll lose interest before getting to the top. In that case, she has a look self-pity in her eyes.) She also has no clue what the point of playing “fetch” is. As far as she can tell, the object of the game is try to grab Mack by the top of the neck. Mack, of course, is much faster than she, so he always gets to the ball before she does, and she’s consequently always just gone after Mack instead of the ball. (This past week, though, Mack got carried away and ran in the wrong direction. Beene saw the ball fall and stopped dead in her tracks and looked over at Mack. She looked at the ball. Back at Mack. Back at the ball. You could almost hear the switch in her big empty head flip just before she lunged after the ball, picked it up, and pretended like she’d just ended world hunger.)
She also has this sense of entitlement about her that you can’t really understand until you meet her. For example, she believes she should be able to sit wherever the interesting stuff it happening. Now, there’s usually someone else already sitting there because, well, that’s where all the interesting stuff is happening. So, she’ll often just back up and sit on the lap of whoever is sitting there. This happens without fail when we’re at the vet (which has been happening much to frequently lately, by the way). The other day while I was reading on the porch, she walked up to me, turned around, and just casually plopped herself down on my lap and acted like it was just the most normal thing that could ever happen. Michelle, of course, felt compelled to photograph it. Beene found the scenario entirely commonplace and saw no need whatsoever for photography. Note the indignance on her face in the last photo.
each chair in the house which indicated whose seat it was. For example, I would have a pillow labeled “Frank” on my favorite chair.
(which later became T-Mobile) during the 90’s. Among the riders who have admitted using drugs are cycling icons Erik Zabel and Bjarne Riis.
she really doesn’t go for people in the movies. I’ve been pretty amused by it mostly because I don’t find him very threatening. I mean, it’s not like he’s Dutch or anything.
He is, without a doubt, the coolest dog that has ever lived. Everyone who has spent any time with him feels this way. He is exactly what happens when evolution is allowed to run its course: he’s smallish, strong, fast, smart, sturdy, and farts. He is so engaged it’s just a blast to be around him. He’s always 100% certain that he can contribute to every activity and do something to make the current situation cooler.
For example, she believes she should be able to sit wherever the interesting stuff it happening. Now, there’s usually someone else already sitting there because, well, that’s where all the interesting stuff is happening. So, she’ll often just back up and sit on the lap of whoever is sitting there. This happens without fail when we’re at the vet (which has been happening much to frequently lately, by the way). The other day while I was reading on the porch, she walked up to me, turned around, and just casually plopped herself down on my lap and acted like it was just the most normal thing that could ever happen. Michelle, of course, felt compelled to photograph it. Beene found the scenario entirely commonplace and saw no need whatsoever for photography. Note the indignance on her face in the last photo.
